Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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