The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
