If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i drank out of a bidet.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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