Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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