You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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