My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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