Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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