so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
