How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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