It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
