I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
