I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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