Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
