Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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