I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
