So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
