Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
