Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can Purell be used as lube?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
