i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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