I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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