2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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