i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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