apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
