Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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