My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
no you cant smoke seaweed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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