I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
