She is in my trunk
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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