when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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