I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
