Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
no you cant smoke seaweed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize