i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
