I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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