Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
