Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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