I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
