ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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