I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she looked like the before picture.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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