would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
