This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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