The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
