smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
