last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
