Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
