i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dick very happy bro
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
