yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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