In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
