Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
