So drunk its hurt
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
