I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
so much tequila, so little girl.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
