Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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