so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize