I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
