Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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