his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
