His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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