I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
