Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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