You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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