Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
