I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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