are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
