Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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