How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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