wakey wakey hands off snakey
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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