She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
