Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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