Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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