i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
