we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
