Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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