I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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