in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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