dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there's paper in my vomit.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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