TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
