I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
