I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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